When Friends Aren’t So Friendly
How to Deal with It (and Take Care of You!)
Friendships are supposed to feel safe, supportive, and fun. But sometimes, they don’t. Maybe your friend makes little comments that hurt, ignores your texts, talks behind your back, or only seems to care when it benefits them. If you've ever felt confused, left out, or disrespected by someone you thought was your friend, you’re not alone—and your feelings are valid.
The truth is, not all friendships are healthy. And even if someone used to be kind, things can change. What matters most is how you treat yourself when this happens.
This is where self-compassion comes in.
Self-compassion means showing yourself the same kindness and understanding you’d offer a close friend if they were hurting. If a friend has been treating you badly, self-compassion can help you stay grounded, confident, and clear about what you deserve.
Here’s how to practice self-compassion when a friend isn’t being kind:
1. Acknowledge your feelings
It’s okay to feel hurt, angry, or confused. Instead of telling yourself to “just get over it,” try saying: “This really hurts. It’s hard to feel rejected or disrespected.” Giving yourself permission to feel is the first step to healing.
2. Don’t blame yourself
You might wonder, “Did I do something wrong?” But friendship problems aren’t always your fault. Be honest with yourself—but also gentle. One person’s unkind behavior doesn’t define your worth.
3. Set boundaries
If someone regularly puts you down or makes you feel small, it’s okay to take space. You can still care about them and protect your peace. Healthy boundaries are a sign of self-respect, not weakness.
4. Talk it out
If you feel safe, have an honest conversation. Use “I” statements like: “I feel hurt when you joke about me in front of others.” A true friend will care about how you feel.
5. Surround yourself with kindness
Look for people who lift you up, not tear you down. You don’t need a huge group—just a few kind, real people who accept you as you are.
Friendships should help you grow, not shrink. And you deserve to feel safe, respected, and appreciated. So if someone isn’t treating you well, listen to that inner voice—the one that says, “I matter.” Because you do. Always.
And you know where you can find the best friend ever? Within you. It’s there, waiting to be acknowledged and listened to. Compassionate Friend is a practice that can help you find that kind, supportive voice within you. Find it on this page.