How to Start Conversations with New People (Without Feeling So Awkward)

‍ ‍Meeting new people can feel exciting, but it can also feel uncomfortable. Whether you’re starting at a new school, attending a camp, joining a club, or simply trying to make new friends, figuring out what to say can be surprisingly stressful.

If you’ve ever worried about sounding awkward, saying the wrong thing, or being rejected, you’re not alone. Most people—including the ones who seem confident—feel nervous when talking to someone new.

The good news is that starting conversations is a skill, not a personality trait. You don’t have to be naturally outgoing to get better at it.

One of the biggest mistakes people make is believing they need to say something clever or impressive. In reality, the best conversations often start with simple observations and genuine curiosity.

For example, you might say:

·       “How do you know everyone here?”

·       “Have you been coming to this club for a while?”

·       “What did you think about that activity?”

·       “What are you doing this summer?”

These questions aren’t complicated, but they create opportunities for connection.

Be Curious About Them!

Another helpful mindset is to focus less on being interesting and more on being interested. When you’re genuinely curious about another person, it takes some of the pressure off yourself. Instead of worrying about how you’re coming across, you can focus on learning something about the person you’re talking to.

People generally enjoy talking about things they care about. If someone mentions a hobby, sport, favorite show, or future goal, ask a follow-up question. Showing interest helps conversations grow naturally.

It’s also important to remember that awkward moments are normal. Conversations rarely flow perfectly. There may be pauses, misunderstandings, or moments when neither person knows what to say next.

That doesn’t mean you’ve failed.

Many people assume that every awkward moment is a sign that they’re bad at socializing. In reality, awkwardness is simply part of being human. Instead of criticizing yourself, try responding with kindness.

You might think, “That felt a little awkward, but that’s okay. I’m learning.”

Self-compassion can make a big difference when meeting new people. If a conversation doesn’t go as planned, try not to replay every detail in your head. Most people are focused on themselves, not analyzing your every word.

It’s also helpful to remember that not every conversation will lead to a friendship—and that’s completely normal. Building connections takes time. Sometimes you’ll click with someone right away. Other times, you won’t. Neither outcome says anything about your worth as a person.

One way to make conversations easier is to put yourself in environments where you already share something in common with others. Clubs, sports teams, volunteer opportunities, classes, and interest groups provide built-in topics to discuss.

Finally, challenge yourself to take small social risks. Maybe that means saying hello to someone sitting next to you, asking a question in a group, or introducing yourself to one new person. You don’t have to become a social butterfly overnight.

Every conversation is practice.

The goal isn’t to be perfect. The goal is to be brave enough to connect. (See video of Brave by Sara Barelles at bottom of this page).

The next time you’re nervous about talking to someone new, remember that many people around you are feeling the exact same way. A simple question, a friendly smile, or a moment of curiosity might be all it takes to start a conversation—and possibly a new friendship.

And even if it feels awkward at first, that’s okay. Connection doesn’t require perfection. It simply begins with reaching out.  

For more info about how normal feeling awkward is and how to deal with it, go here.