Feeling Nervous About Making Friends? You’re Not Alone

If you're starting a new school year, changing schools, or even just walking into a class without familiar faces, it’s completely normal to feel anxious about making friends. I want you to know: you are not the only one feeling this way.

As a researcher who studies self-compassion in teens—and someone who was once a nervous teen myself—I’ve seen how common it is to worry about fitting in. Questions like “Will anyone like me?” or “What if I say the wrong thing?” can be loud and overwhelming. But here’s the truth: these worries don’t mean something is wrong with you. They just mean you care about connection—and that’s a beautiful thing.

When you're feeling unsure about making friends, self-compassion can be your biggest ally. It means being kind to yourself when you're struggling, instead of judging or criticizing yourself.

Here’s how you can use self-compassion when friend worries show up:

1. Notice your self-talk
If you catch yourself thinking, “I’m so awkward,” or “No one will want to talk to me,” pause. Ask yourself, “Would I say this to a friend?” Probably not. Try this instead: “It’s okay to be nervous. Everyone feels this way sometimes.”

2. Remind yourself you’re not alone
Seriously, everyone wants to be liked. Everyone feels unsure. When you feel left out or invisible, remember—there are others feeling the same way, even if they don’t show it.

3. Take small, kind steps
Friendships don’t have to happen all at once. Smile at someone. Ask a question in class. Sit next to someone at lunch. Tiny moments of bravery can open the door to connection.

4. Be your own friend first
When you treat yourself with kindness, you create a safe space inside—one where you feel accepted, even before anyone else says a word. That makes it easier to be open with others, too.

Friendship takes time, and it's okay if things don’t happen right away. Keep being kind to yourself as you take those first steps. You are worthy of friendship just as you are—and your people are out there, looking for someone just like you.